Bad thoughts

One thing I have discovered over the past couple of years writing this blog is how cathartic the exercise has been. Expressing a thought in print is a whole different deal to thinking a thought. As I have said previously it forces you to formalize a thoughts and that effort is a very powerful thing. Mind you I have never been very open having only shared the blander of my thoughts and observations. I fear I would be locked up if I revealed my true self.

And this is true for most people most of the time; the stranger is kept carefully hidden. I suspect that I am not the worst offender in this Jackel and Hyde trait. I imagine that I have never met a person who appears to be what they really are – except a few of the suburban anomalies about whom I have written.

So what about you? What do you keep hidden from the world? What outrageous aspect of you do you keep concealed? What things do you deny to share with the world, and maybe even yourself? Start with the simple things. Are you an atheist who believes in god? Are you a devout Christian with hatred in your heart? Do you question your chosen sexuality?

What about those things that are deeply suppressed. What secrets does your subconscious mind hold? Those things that are so repressed that you are rarely, if ever, aware of them. Some trait that society finds so unacceptable that you have buried so deeply that you are no longer aware of it. I would like to give an example here but I am so thoroughly repressed that I can’t even think of one at the moment.

Why am I probing this thought? The thing that brought this on was a story on the local news yesterday where an 8 year old girl had been found dead in a public toilet at a shopping centre. She had been sexually abused before her death. During the course of the evening there was a report that the police had apprehended and charged a suspect. I told this to my partner and she innocently asked if he was mentally ill. My off hand response was ‘of course’.

So what flicks the switch between healthy repression (I don’t know what the technical term is) and Mr Hyde? Most of us manage to control these urges (conscious or not) our whole life while some become lead characters in Stephen King novels.

I do have a conscious urge to learn more about abnormal phycology, but, I am worried that if anyone I know finds out they might think I’m strange.