Glamour Gran

Speaking to a few more people around the suburb on the subject of local curiosities revealed yet more local anomalies. The two who caught my attention were Glamour Gran and Carrot Bum. While the Carrot guy is fairly self explanatory you really need a video of my friend doing the walk to appreciate carrot bums style. Glamour Gran, on the other hand, deserves a bit more detail.

You see she wears the latest ‘80s styles and rides a bike, although this is in dispute by my two eye witnesses. My partner has only ever seen her riding on the bike and my friend has only seen her pushing the bike (he lives near the top of one of those long bike killing hills). One thing that was agreed on was that she has stunning legs. Now I can’t vouch for this myself but from a distance this lady (who may or may not be riding a bike) is worthy of a second stare. Nice legs, shapely figure and all the ingredients that catch a male’s eye.

The illusion starts falling apart as she gets closer all dressed up in her Olivia ala physical outfit. Somewhat like a scene from one of those movies, where the beautiful youthful character transforms, her age becomes apparent. She is old. Not just a bit old but old old, at least 80! Her overly made face is deeply lined and there is just too much extraneous sun leatheried skin hanging below her arms. Well I guess she must be fit (and she knows it).

Snow White and Ruby Red

On a similar subject there was a pair of ladies that used to catch the bus a lot from the suburb where I grew up too the local town centre. I used to catch the same bus quite often myself to get to school or into town. They were known by every ones as Ruby Red and Snow White, an elderly mother and daughter combo. They were legendary, not for there exploits but for their appearance. Always seen together, both shortish, both overweight and both with very bad make up skills. I can remember some older ladies laughing while discussing the pair.

Remember this was in the days well before the Goth thing and even predates punk. Snow white would use the whitest foundation (or what ever) with blue eye shadow and red lippy. Ruby red didn’t go with the white but preferred a red circle of rouge on each cheek. And the red lippy ( I can’t recall the eyes). I would best describe the over all effect as one degree away from Clown.

There were constant and consistent. Every one new of them but not about them, no one, that is, except the intellectually challenged person that used to live next door to me. As he got older (he was a few years older than me) he eventually got a job in one of those non-profit places that recycle clothes to rags, put letters in envelopes and other simple repetitive tasks. One day he told me he worked with Snow and that her mum took her to work every day.