Last entry

Well this is it. My last 25 minutes in this job.

See you next year from a new seat.

Only one more thing to add….

So long and thanks for all the fish.

War is over

Just been browsing the Blogosphere. There is a lot of Christmas chatter out there. Most bases have been explored fairly well so here comes my redundant thoughts on the subject.

I am sitting here typing away at my desk shirking work and listening to John Lennon. Two songs, Imagine and Merry Christmas (war is over), have just played. It is terribly sad he was gunned down. I know it was on the 8th of December and it must have been 1980 or 81. I was DJing at the time. I can remember people crying when I played those two songs back to back. This date will always make me a bit sad about Christmas.

I also suffer a duality about xmass. I love it and hate it in equal measures. I like giving gifts. Its just nice. I hate buying gifts – the uncertainty and having to go shopping. I like the good will to all men (and women) thing but hate the commercial greed of the season. I like being with friends and family but hate the pissing competition at work functions (so I don’t go). I do like eating too much but hate the after effects of this gluttony.

Mostly I hate having it pushed down my throat and there is no upside to that. Actually, I just thought of one. There is crap on the TV so at least the exposure is reduced. Of course I don’t mind when they use Mr Lennons’ song to remind me what time of year it is.

Merry Christmas.

Dawn

I watched a fascinating documentary last night – The Power of Nightmares. It presents the position that the US neo-conservatives use organised terror as an excuse to rally support and that the terrorist threat is miniscule and disorganised contrary to the US propaganda.

What I didn’t realise was that the same group of neo-cons were responsible for setting up the perception of threat from the USSR in the 1970 – 80s despite the CIA evidence showing that this was not the case.

I can remember the terror this group caused me and can not forgive them. It also jaded my view of and US administration and Americans in general for supporting such extremist groups.

Here is my story.

One morning when I was 15 or 16 I woke up just before dawn. At the time some volcano in South East Asia was active. As I lay in that transition from sleep to consciousness I opened my eyes and saw the room was bathed in an unusual light. I looked to my window. The sky was a ruddy purple colour – unlike anything I had seen before, I couldn’t hear the usual chorus of birds; everything was quiet. My immediate thought was that it had happened. The bastards had started it. This was it, nuclear winter here we go (there had been a string of made for TV movies showing the horror of a post nuclear holocaust so I was “well” informed).

My heart was pumping as I went to the window, a thousand horror scenarios running through my brain.

Slowly I began to fully wake and then realised that it was just atmospheric pollution from the volcano but something changed within me at that point. I became anti-nuclear, anti US and more liberal/left-wing. Even then I understood that the US administration of the day had manipulated the truth for their own agenda. It had been widely reported.


The anti-nuclear stance was partly wrong. Building nuclear arms is wrong, they should never have been built and should be eliminated from this planet – I am still 100% convinced of this. Nuclear power was caught in the cross fire. I now realise that this is a technology that can be safely used and should have been pursued.

The waste problem is not a problem and never was. Waste is a huge problem for light water reactors but not for fast neutron reactors. This type of reactor can be designed to either consume or produce weapons grade plutonium. A technology that would have delivered the nuclear promise was effectively banned by the IAEA via pressure from the US ostensively because its potential for production weapons grade material.

Now we find hundreds of light water reactors producing thousands of tonnes of extremely hazardous, long half life, waste. The alternative was thousands of fast neutron reactors designed to consume all fissile material while producing about 1/10 of the waste of short half life light isotopes with no military use. Yes, you can design these reactors to do this while not producing weapons material.

Imagine, the known deposits of uranium would be enough to sustain our current energy demand for 100+ years, producing waste with a half life of several hundred years (for the worst case isotopes). Light water reactors producing at this rate would deplete our reserves in less than 20 years and produce mountains of material that will be hot for hundreds of millennia. I guess it will be 15 – 20 years before any significant move to fast reactors is made – climate induced economic collapse may interfere with that time line….

Oh well, at least it has kept the oil and coal interests happy, to bad about the global climate.

Gone again

I quit my job.

Next work day 03/01/2006.

Why does earning a living suck so much that is the question.

Is it nobler to while away the days in pursuit my own concern?

Nay, it is a question of fiduciary means.

The child like pursuit of reward and appreciation in deference to ones own interests is a depressing objective in life. Is this what we strive to give to our children. Knowing this truth is a sad thing.

Imagination put to directed tasks is my lot for the time being. At least some creative margin is allowed. Not hard labour but labouring to balance the will and limits of capital.

I sign the intellectual property form knowingly and knowing my labours will make profit. My rewards; cash, a pat on the head and perhaps greater marketability for the next shift.

I accept my folly joining this company. It was the third large multi-national I have worked for. Perhaps the most stifling. Certainly the most bureaucratic and over administered. I know these are not good places for an INTJ.

The next step should be happier. A smallish aggressive operator with short time lines. Much more able to act on ideas and deal with risk. My personal role is back into a technical project role where I can hire resources and execute my plans with a reasonable amount of autonomy. They are a hard nosed lot, but, realistic. I know and respect most of the players and as a happy co-incidence they know me (I wonder if they respect me to?).

Any how just 4 short days to hand over (to no one) and pack up my stuff then happy holidays till next year.

Overtime as a song

Grandmas packing all her things away
All the stuff saved for a rainy day
the rain is near
oh the rain is near

Pleading offer take one more gift
Please it was for your kids
A life time of memories
It’s just too much
No more room in the hutch

When I was small you were so strong
Lunches, sleep overs a silly song
A words of advice
Now all gone

A grandchild’s wedding that never came
the book and poem about love
yellowed garnish of loves commitment
a faded black dress
no more need its all done

now its done
except the ending
I leave you in care for the aging
a cruel trick of the years
so much gone and now the tears

and oh here comes the rain
and oh here comes the rain
now shes good as gone
but still feels the pain
dam the rain oh dam the rain

nature turns and turns again
what begins always ends
just one more step on the path
the gates are very close and very far

days of longing left for you
what has been done is done for good
no more choices left to you
time has no conscience just marches on
it forgets not a one

now as you lay in bed all day
memories of the past your stay
sometimes a smile sometimes a tear
and now here comes the rain
all the thing packed away
the stuff saved for a rainy day
the rain is here and there all gone
just this love in a song

Hot and Cold

I have just had one of those too hot too cold experiences. Last time this happened was in Calgary in February. -25 outside +28 inside. You park the heated car in the mall car park, freeze on your way across the car park and overheat in the mall. It seems that the colder it is outside the hotter the thermostats are set inside. Fine at home where you can strip down to undies but a bit of a problem wandering around a shopping complex fully dressed.

Now, I just came back from Darwin, Australia. No room for Intelligent Design in that town. At the moment it is wet season. 34 deg C and 90% humidity. You sweat standing still in the shade. It is worse in the sun. Inside they turn the thermostats down to 17 deg C. Your sweat freezes instantly when you go inside. Half the population run around with runny noses.

Why does this happen? How about all thermostats being permanently welded at 21. Even better, allow some small drift toward the outside temperature.

End of thought.

Overtime

Grandmas packing all her things away
All the stuff saved for a rainy day
Now the rain is near

Pleading offer take one more gift
Please it was for your kid
A life time of memories
It’s just too much

When I was small you were so strong
Lunches, sleep overs a silly song
A words of advice
Now all gone

A grandchild’s wedding that never occurred
A book and poem about love
yellowed garnish of loves commitment
a faded black dress

now its all done
except the ending
in care for the aging